Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
