I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
