he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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