i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
