i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
