What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize