Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
