Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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