i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
