I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
