DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
