Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
