I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
