this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
