Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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