barbara walters just said penis...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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