Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
