There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
