my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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