I met the friendliest cop last night
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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