she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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