it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
