Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I supernannyed him into submission
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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