Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
