I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
