I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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