It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
