Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
