are you so shy because you have an std?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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