Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
