fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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