I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
