I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
