dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
