seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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