My friends, they love my intelligence
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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