I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
