What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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