why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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