i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
