dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
