ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
