being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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