if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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