i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
