Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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