A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
