lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
