this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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