His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
