Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
