I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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