i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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