I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
