I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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