She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
