Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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