Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
