if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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