drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
