Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i want to swaddle you in tequila
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
