the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
