Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
