and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
