I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
