dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
