The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Someone came in the potted fern
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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