dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
