my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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