Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish I only lived at night.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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