my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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