I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Michael Bay diarrhea
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
