There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
