You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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