Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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