Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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