i permit you to call me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
