You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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