I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize