if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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