I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
