Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Found your dick twin last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
