Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
