i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
tell me about the eggs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
