At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
