Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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