You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
