I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
