I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
