Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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