3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
